Ep. 3: Perfectionism is Colonization in Action
In this episode of the Cultivating Safe Spaces Podcast, Jen discusses how perfectionism is a colonial tool that upholds White supremacy and how perfectionism shows up in our behaviours and thought patterns. She also explains how perfectionism differs from excellence and teaches listeners how to cultivate their own standard of excellence.
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Elaine @elainealec_
“‘So perfectionism is used to protect us. We don’t release our work until we KNOW it meets some arbitrary standard and that we won’t be picked apart.’”
Elaine Alec’s Perfectionism Excerpt:
‘I'm working with a group of 40 people in our Cultivating Safe Spaces Online Course. It is so interesting to see how our settler participants process information, learn and work through "Who am I and who do I belong to?" Perfectionism came upon our call and so I was looking for the resources Jessie shared and other articles... one thing I'd like to work on for us is striving for "excellence" I love the last paragraph here.
"Perfectionism*, One Right Way, Paternalism, and Objectivity*
Perfectionism shows up as:
• little or no appreciation expressed among people for the work that others are doing; when appreciation is expressed, it is often or usually directed to those who get most of the credit anyway;
• more common is to point out either how the person or work is inadequate; or even more common, to talk to others about the inadequacies of a person or their work without ever talking directly to them
• mistakes are seen as personal, i.e. they reflect badly on the person making them as opposed to being seen for what they are – mistakes;
• making a mistake is confused with being a mistake, doing wrong with being wrong;
• the person making the "mistake" or doing something "wrong" rarely participates in defining what doing it "right" looks like or whether a "mistake" actually occurred;
• little time, energy, or money is put into reflection or identifying lessons learned that can improve practice, in other words there is little or no learning from mistakes, and/or little investigation of what is considered a mistake and why;
• a tendency to identify what’s wrong; little ability to identify, name, define, and appreciate what’s right;
• often internally felt, in other words the perfectionist fails to appreciate their own good work, more often pointing out their faults or ‘failures,’ focusing on inadequacies and mistakes rather than learning from them; the person works with a harsh and constant inner critic that has internalized the standards set by someone else;
• linked to the characteristic of one right way, where the demand for perfection assumes that we know what perfection is while others are doing it wrong or falling short.
Another word about perfectionism: There is no relationship between perfectionism and excellence. Perfectionism is the belief that we can be perfect or perform perfectly. The question has to be asked: according to who? Who decides what perfect is?
Perfectionism is the conditioned belief and attitude that we can be perfect based on a standard or set of rules that we did not create and that we are led to believe will prove our value.
Perfectionism is the conditioned belief and attitude that we can determine whether [or not] others are showing up as perfect and demand or expect that they do so. White supremacy culture uses perfectionism to preserve power and the status quo.
As long as we are striving to be “perfect" according to someone else's rules, we have less energy and attention to question those rules and to remember what is truly important.
We can be perfectionist in our social justice circles when we assume or believe there is a perfect way to do something and we know what it is. When we look more closely at our own perfectionism, we see that the perfectionist tendency is always in service of our own power or the current power structure. We might be fighting power out in the world but when we are perfectionist about how we do that, we preserve a toxic power structure internally. Excellence has more potential to be defined by and for us. We can talk about what we think excellence is and hold ourselves and each other accountable to a shared and collectively defined standard of excellence. We can rock the boat with excellence. We can care for each other with excellence. We can write and lead and work and teach and cook with excellence. We can forgive with excellence. Excellence requires making and learning from mistakes.’